Things aren’t always as they seem…

… Then your eyes open and it packs quite a sharp punch in the nose.

From the age of 25 I felt the old age coming on and just didn’t want to get old.  Always felt too young to be old.  I was horribly offended when at the age of 25 a dude guessed my age to be 28. 

Ooohhhh to be 28 again… I wish.

I got married at the age of 20, divorced at the age of 30. I then experienced the twenties, I missed, in the first few years of my thirties.  I was single and legal and knew more than most twenty year olds.  Needless to say I had fun and all the while I was still being the responsible single Mom.  I knew that to properly take care of Mini Red and be a good Mom I had to take care of myself.  I wanted her to see that she still has to take care of herself  like Mommy did.

All the while I still felt like a young’un even though I knew I wasn’t. When I’d look in the mirror the person looking back didn’t look familiar.  As a teenager I was fugly and by the time I graduated High School things were definitely changing for me.  The divorce agreed with me too and I stepped it up a notch and dressed a helluva lot better.  Just ask Sis.  So when I was first divorced the person I expected to see in the mirror was that fugly chick and that wasn’t what I saw at all.  It took some getting used to for the mental to meet up with the physical. 

So as I moved along in my thirties I’ve had clues that I’m getting older and although many have heard me say something about being old I still felt young and felt I looked young too.  Last year I turned 40 and I was not happy, as some of you may have read.  People tend to say I don’t look 40 and I agree and love to hear that.  I still feel like I’m about mid to late 20’s but my wrinkles say otherwise.

So last week I was in Vegas and hung out with others much younger than I.  I arrived in Vegas tired after two months of craziness including the holidays, family, sickness and the biggie… Moving. I had only been in the house two weeks and left it in disarray to head to Vegas. I just didn’t feel I could keep up although one night I didn’t get home until six the next morning.

As I think about the events of last week and the fun as well as the stoopid things I did as I was hanging out with young’uns I made a HUGE realization.  I am soooo old!  I may have said I was old and felt old before but not really because I felt I defied it yet I haven’t.  I was fooling myself and I’m just this older chick.  When I was a little girl I remember Mom had a few single female friends and they had that divorcee air about them.  I now realize that is me and even the clothes I wear.  I’m not as young and hip as I thought I was.

Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a woe is me post it’s just another step in realizing who I am.  Sometimes we experience growing pains and this one is definitely painful but I’m coming to terms with it and I really don’t want it to keep me down.  There is too much that I haven’t experienced yet.  Now I just need to pull it all together and get it all done because time is flying by way too fast and I have a lot to do.

3 comments on “Things aren’t always as they seem…

  1. My dad once told me that no matter how old a man gets he is still eighteen in his mind. That is why the whole world sees us as dirty old men. Although your body is old and all of your experiences leave you much wiser, your mind remains attached to what you found attractive when you were in your prime. The minds eye turns blind to your self image.

    It is a race to the end for each of us and the closer we get to the end the more time we look back at the first quarter mile thinking wow! no matter what we did good or bad we look back amazed at how close to the end we are, with one regret in mind. I wish I had that youth again. It is the ultimate irony of life that the youth is wasted on the young. We never really know what it is all about until we can look back and realize just how valuable that time is. spending the weekend with Lon and talking to him about his life it amazes me that his father would be supremely proud of all that he has accomplished, yet he looks back the same as you and me with that glazed look of why didn’t I realize that was the time..

    I hope you find the hidden nugget in this one. It is meaningless if it is said outright. It is one of those things you have to be pushed into seeing, but being told is pointles. If not reread it in a few years and see what it brings to mind…
    Killed me in Philosophy I was too young, but I learned the lesson.

  2. I feel you. I am there, but having a hard time accepting it.

  3. I like being my age. I try to enjoy each age for what it is. So far, so good – I suppose that gets harder as you get older.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: