Things aren’t always as they seem…
21 Feb 2009 3 Comments
… Then your eyes open and it packs quite a sharp punch in the nose.
From the age of 25 I felt the old age coming on and just didn’t want to get old. Always felt too young to be old. I was horribly offended when at the age of 25 a dude guessed my age to be 28.
Ooohhhh to be 28 again… I wish.
I got married at the age of 20, divorced at the age of 30. I then experienced the twenties, I missed, in the first few years of my thirties. I was single and legal and knew more than most twenty year olds. Needless to say I had fun and all the while I was still being the responsible single Mom. I knew that to properly take care of Mini Red and be a good Mom I had to take care of myself. I wanted her to see that she still has to take care of herself like Mommy did.
All the while I still felt like a young’un even though I knew I wasn’t. When I’d look in the mirror the person looking back didn’t look familiar. As a teenager I was fugly and by the time I graduated High School things were definitely changing for me. The divorce agreed with me too and I stepped it up a notch and dressed a helluva lot better. Just ask Sis. So when I was first divorced the person I expected to see in the mirror was that fugly chick and that wasn’t what I saw at all. It took some getting used to for the mental to meet up with the physical.
So as I moved along in my thirties I’ve had clues that I’m getting older and although many have heard me say something about being old I still felt young and felt I looked young too. Last year I turned 40 and I was not happy, as some of you may have read. People tend to say I don’t look 40 and I agree and love to hear that. I still feel like I’m about mid to late 20’s but my wrinkles say otherwise.
So last week I was in Vegas and hung out with others much younger than I. I arrived in Vegas tired after two months of craziness including the holidays, family, sickness and the biggie… Moving. I had only been in the house two weeks and left it in disarray to head to Vegas. I just didn’t feel I could keep up although one night I didn’t get home until six the next morning.
As I think about the events of last week and the fun as well as the stoopid things I did as I was hanging out with young’uns I made a HUGE realization. I am soooo old! I may have said I was old and felt old before but not really because I felt I defied it yet I haven’t. I was fooling myself and I’m just this older chick. When I was a little girl I remember Mom had a few single female friends and they had that divorcee air about them. I now realize that is me and even the clothes I wear. I’m not as young and hip as I thought I was.
Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a woe is me post it’s just another step in realizing who I am. Sometimes we experience growing pains and this one is definitely painful but I’m coming to terms with it and I really don’t want it to keep me down. There is too much that I haven’t experienced yet. Now I just need to pull it all together and get it all done because time is flying by way too fast and I have a lot to do.
